Skullkids: Main Page

Regarding cake

Hello, internet. I've got a little bit of a bone to pick with you - actually, no, let's make it an official reprimand, shall we? Something to stick on your permanent record, if you like.

Internet, I'm afraid that you're henceforth banned from using the phrase "the cake is a lie". Before you start complaining, let me give you a few examples of your past behaviour as we've observed it, and then we'll see if there's anything you can say to defend yourself, shall we?

I know you love Eric Wolpaw; it's understandable. He's a feel-good tale of fan done good - he started off writing for Old Man Murray, got a job in the industry and worked on some of those "indie" titles that you love so much. Titles that people -- usually the same people who feel incredibly threatened by the existence of Wii Fit -- roll out with smug satisfaction in forums to prove that they're more of a "real" gamer than their verbal sparring partner. "You haven't even played Psychonauts? Well then, how can you possibly call chess the greatest game of all time? Noob."

Portal, similarly developed by a team from The Fandom, gathered a great deal of well-deserved attention. It was a little extra treat in an already overstuffed Christmas stocking, and as word spread of its quality uttering the phrase "the cake is a lie!" quickly became a measure of geek cred. It was an internet form of masonic handshake, sneakily letting people know that you'd explored and enjoyed an underrated gem that required a decent level of intelligence to really get the most out of.

How horrified those first excited conspirators must have felt when the rest of the internet began to mimic their enthusiasm - minus the understanding, like a load of gibbering chimps. You see, they'd inadvertently struck upon the raw nerve, the basic premise for going onto forums in the first place - to appear cooler than everyone else on the internet. Other forum posters regarded "The cake is a lie!" with envious eyes - they may not have known what it meant, but they knew it was being bandied around by the kids at the cool table.

Inevitably, unforgivably, the in-joke became a meme and spread across the intenret like wildfire. People who had never played The Orange Box were butting into conversations about Portal, screeching "The cake is a lie! LOL!!!" regardless of the context, like a confused three-year-old who's trying to keep up with the adults.

It's tragic that the internet, which has brought so many forms of ironic humour sailing into the homes of those who dare to understand it, should cling to someone else's darkly comic script and mutilate it into catchphrase and gimmickry with the same tact and care Hollywood executives treat their favourite game franchises. You're better than this, internet. You've killed the phrase stone dead, wrenched it free of context and subtlety. Clearly, you want to break into writing. But despite all your efforts, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart.

The best way to pay tribute to Wolpaw, Croshaw, Kyanka and the rest is to be inspired by them, not to gob their catchphrases at each other across the dance hall of your local anime convention. It's a challenge, certainly, and it's not without dangers - you may end up finding your work being ripped out of context and splattered across the internet with all the relevance of this atrocity. On the plus side, though, it may mean that I don't bludgeon you to death with your own home-made companion cube if our paths cross. It's got to be worth a try, hasn't it?

Oh, and while we're on the subject, you weren't the first person to discover Zero Punctuation either. Sorry.

Categories: Other
Posted on 27 Apr 2008 by Moros

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help me

updating from a wii browser.
really sucks.
can't even post images of cubone
send help in form of usb keyboard please
wii remote typing getting tiring...
who thought this was a good idea?

Categories: Other
Posted on 27 Apr 2008 by Mime

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Nintendo Release Dates

Wii Fit - April 25th
Wii Ware Channel - May 20th
Nintendo Channel - May 30th
Smash Bros. Brawl - June 27th

There's a lot more, but nothing else interests us in the slightest.

Categories: Nintendo
Posted on 24 Apr 2008 by Mime

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Forgotten Videogame Heroes Part 2

Let's do another one of these, then. Today's videogame hero is none other than...

LITTLE MAC!

To the left is his original NES appearance. This is him in all his deformed glory after winning a round against one of his stupidly oversized foes. He's only grinning because he hasn't yet realised he has to face Mike Tyson at the end. Tyson would simply punch you at the speed of light and you would die. End of story, no discussion. Later versions of the game replaced Tyson with some white guy called Mr Dream when Tyson began being a very naughty boy.

To the right is his Wii incarnation. Appearing as an Assist Trophy in Super Smash Brothers Brawl (still not dated), he just jumps around a bit and punches your enemies. BIF.

Sadly, Little Mac has not made a playable appearance since the SNES Super Punchout and this is something that needs to be fixed. Wouldn't it be perfect with the Wii Remote and Nunchuck combo? Well probably not, so hopefully they'd add a Gamecube controller option to this game too.

Categories: Nintendo
Posted on 23 Apr 2008 by Mime

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Rumour: Rock Band Pricing

We here at Skullkids Towers (ivory and awesome that they are) are not immune to rumours. We've heard some very "interesting" comments from a staff member (who will remain nameless) of the Game chain in the UK.

Apparently the RRP was announced in Euro for one VERY specific reason: to confuse the British. Yes, fans, according to a Game employee we're not seeing £85 for the instruments, no. We're not seeing £100. We're not seeing bids of £130. We are instead going, going, and (indeed) gone at a STAGGERING £150. Now, far be it from us to question the sanity levels of whatever exec cooked up the price point but sweet Jimminy Joe Jack Jesus that's a LOT of money for a pack with no game in.

Heck, at retail that would mean an RRP of £200! Yes, we know retailers will cut money out of that, but that's still a HEFTY chunk of chump change.

Apparently the EA rep communicating the price was not ENTIRELY warmly received by staff. Make of that what you will.

Categories: Nintendo, Microsoft, Sony
Posted on 23 Apr 2008 by MrChom

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Crafty Cubone

If you've got kids or are just me, then you'll be wanting to make some real life Pokémon. Short of learning genetics and upsetting the state of science worldwide, that just leaves us with paper Pokémon.

So maybe you've got some spare loo rolls, some card and a selection of crayons lying around and you just want to make some Pokémon. Well this person has! Pictured to the left is a wonderful Cubone that they made. I want one. Send me one.

Anyway, if you want to check out more (which you do) then just click here.

Categories: Nintendo
Posted on 21 Apr 2008 by Mime

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Roundtable time

We here at Skullkids get very bored from time to time. So bored in fact that we look away from our televisions and actually talk to each other. Shocking, I know.

Last night we discussed Nintendo and the franchises of theirs that haven't yet turned up on the Wii.

[MrChom] Where's the Wii love for F-Zero?

[MrChom] Lord knows it took us long enough for a cube one....that then was farmed out to SEGA....

[Mime] Rumours have begun to surface

[MrChom] It needs to be as anti-wipeout as possible.

[MrChom] Because every time one comes out you get one or two idiots going "Lol, Nintendo wants to make wipeout"

[Mime] Heh yeah

[MrChom] I'll just sit here and dream of F-Zero with all the courses from the SNES/N64/Cube ones, complete with those hard rock remixes of the tunes done after FZX.....

[MrChom] Oh, and the GOOD GBA one.

[MrChom] Heck, did we even GET the third GBA one?

[Mime] There are two good GBA ones. But the second good one was Japan only.

[Mime] Maximum Velocity, however, was wank.

[MrChom] What you mean you don't like bland music, forgettable courses, hideous cheating CPU and jumps so long they make your eyes bleed?

[Mime] Coupled with awful vehicles and no characters

[MrChom] Here, hit this dot 12 miles away, by the way, you need to be boosting, oh, and when you hit it you need to hang a sharp right into the middle of nowhere to hit the next dot, it's somewhere in a field in Kent.

[MrChom] Oh, and by the way the CPU will catch up and mid-air ram you on expert when you're just about to win but on your last life.

[MrChom] From the makers of the critically acclaimed TUBE SLIDERS.

[Mime] Sega did a wonderful job with F-Zero GX, but now that studio isn't even around to do another.

[MrChom] Thing is, right....it makes NO business sense to release F-Zero....8? for the Wii. I mean, it's always been Nintendo's slightly more hard-core racer.

[MrChom] I suppose it would extend use of the Wiiiiiiiill

[Mime] Well the Wii isn't only for casual dumb gamers

[MrChom] But that's who it's selling the most units to.

[Mime] It's still selling enough to others

[MrChom] People want Brain Training on their TV.

[MrChom] People who own 12 copies of Mario and Sonic at the Olympics.

[MrChom] And even some people who, despite owning their Wii for 12 months, still only have Wii Sports.

[MrChom] Why bother hiring a large team for F-Zero when you can hire a team for Mario [Sport/Quiz/Fitness/Brain/Dance/Bollocks] or [Peripheral Pushing Game] and make ten times the moolah?

[Mime] Well this is why I think they'll let someone else do it, like they did with Brawl

[Mime] Just don't give it to Rare or Namco, they both upset Starfox

[MrChom] One of the three games any Wii owner should be ASHAMED not to own or plan to own.

[Mime] We've got four left from Nintendo, really: Starfox, F-Zero, Wave Race and 1080

[MrChom] 1080 can stick it where the sun don't shine after the cube version

[Mime] Hey hey hey... it wasn't brilliant...

[Mime] But neither was the Mario Sunshine.

[MrChom] Mario Sunshine was at least interesting.

[Mime] I hated it.

[MrChom] 1080 2 was basically "Look at us, we can make SSX too!"

[MrChom] Much like Amped 3 which was just DIABOLICAL

[MrChom] The original Amped looked good, handled AMAZINGLY and was MIND-NUMBINGLY hard....but fair.

[MrChom] The 360 one was a clusterfuck

[MrChom] And I BELIEVE it has killed the series.

[MrChom] Scratch that.

[MrChom] Killed the STUDIO

[MrChom] They released Amped 3, lent a hand on Top Spin 2, and then Take 2 closed them.

[Mime] Oh, thats lovely that is...

[MrChom] Looking at that list, though...

[MrChom] I can see Waverace, and 1080 coming back almost intact.

[MrChom] Because I think there's things you can do with those that might be quite interesting.

[MrChom] Starfox will probably get the overhaul from hell, and some stupid barrel-role mechanic that involves spinning through your living room...

[Mime] Augh

[Mime] 1080 will use the balance board. Miyamoto already said this.

[MrChom] Seems reasonable, if, again, a peripheral pushing NIGHTMARE

[Mime] Probably with proper controller controls too

[MrChom] I reckon, right, Wacerace could do some VERY nice things with a balance board/wiimote combination.

[MrChom] Because you've got your handlebars for where your thrust is going, and your balance board for weight.

[MrChom] Depending on sensitivity the thing could probably even detect you crouching.

[Mime] Oh it's hideously sensitive.

[Mime] The actual tech is all good old fashioned analogue stuff, really, so it's as sensitive as the software can measure

[MrChom] As for the final one, an F-Zero comeback...I can see that being more long-term, less mucked around with, and more of a case of Nintendo sending something 2nd party in return for a wad of cash.

Well, there you have it. Frankly in lieu of proper news we love posting stuff like this. I mean, this is the kind of stuff you PAY for at IGN.

Categories: Nintendo
Posted on 21 Apr 2008 by MrChom

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Satisfying the Needs of the Googler

According to the Google webmaster tools for this site, the three things people want most are Cubone, Kirby and Harvest Moon. So here you go!

This is Kirby. Here he is in his NINJA! form, which is from many of the Kirby games. I think this particular artwork is for Squeak Squad, but don't quote me on that. Kirby is from the planet Pop Star, which should really be called Pop Planet except the pun is then lost. First you draw a circle, dot some damn eyes if you don't want him to be blind, presto it's Kirby!

This is Cubone, one of the original Pokemon from Red and Blue. He can evolve into Marowak, but nobody likes Marowak. According to the Pokemon entry, this sick little guy wears the skull of his dead mother on his head.

Finally, a picture of Hero from Harvest Moon stealing some apples from Girlfriend. Fine, I admit I don't know their names. I don't even have the game. As much as I "big it up", I don't even own it. I'm sorry... I'll grab it later, I promise!

Categories: Other
Posted on 20 Apr 2008 by Mime

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Wii Wheel AND Mario Kart Wii Online! In One!

Because YouTube videos are easy to do, aside from the TWO HOURS it takes to upload and process 8 minutes of video, here's another one! I look at the Wii Wheel and Mario Kart Wii ONLINE! Wow.